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Tuesday, April 21, 2009
emo
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i really dont know whether i should say what i want to say, i am struggling with myself these 2 days and i just feel so emo and down sometimes and happy sometimes.
i probably should face my problems *sigh*
i viewed one of my friends in china's blog, she talked about how she feels about the impending exams. i chatted with her via MSN an below are the thoughts i had afterwards.
on my resume to RI, it stated that i am an adptable person. so what? what price did it came at? what did i scarificed to become so-called "adaptable"? i rather i am not adaptable and stick in a place for the majority of my life. i havent spent more than 2 years in any school, with any particular guy/girl. i feel like a pathetic frog in a pond, i try hard to get myself familiar to the surrondings, after 1 year or so, when i started to make friends, get to know people and starting to enjoy it, i got scooped up and thrown in another environment, and need to start all over again. people takes time to warm up, and its not their fault to behave coldly/badly to a guy that butts in from nowhere. everytime when i feel that i am a part, i will be teleported somewhere else. sometimes i just feel so extra and left out as an outsider,but its not their fault, really, it isnt. Xavier has commented that i am a guy who cannot stand loneliness, he is right. am i lonely now? i honestly dont know, sometimes i feel happy because of the life i have now, other times i feel quite the opposite.
up till now the only places where i can identified with is my church cell and secondary school in China( perhaps of the reason that i joined it in sec 1, with everybody else?) and maybe my cca is going to be in the list soon.
i kept on thinking about how life would be like if i did not make these big decisions, i think one certain thing is that i will have more friends. if i was asked to name my best friends, i can only say 1. i am tired of being to outsider in the majority of the week, and only feel like i can be who i am during cell on saturday.
i pray to God that i will try harder to make friends, and be undeterred by other people's attitudes. i pray that i will make more friends in time to come, and stay connected to my old friends. i pray that i can be a listening ear, and there will be someone there for me to talk to when i am down. Amen
whew, longest post ever, and maybe i will take it down.Labels: personal problems
Posted by william the weirdo at 12:29 AM
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